its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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