I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize