Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
