Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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