alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
