So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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