I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
