i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
