I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
