Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
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how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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