Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
