i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
