Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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