She's JV to your varsity
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
