I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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