This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
