I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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