we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
