Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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