It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I AM VODKA MAN
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Randomize
