My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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