awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
