fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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