my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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