in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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