Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
