So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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