You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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