nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
never play flip cup with pint glasses
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
