Im at strip club and am horny
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
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Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
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Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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