His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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