I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
