mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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