I love black thongs
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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