so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
