Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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