Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
