i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
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we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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