Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
