I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
