i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
