Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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