I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
