Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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