So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
