You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
