Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
