I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
