What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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