are you so shy because you have an std?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
