so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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