bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
