I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
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i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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