doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
