Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
