Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
