broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
