Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
