Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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