im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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