Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
