I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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