i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
