After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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