well you can't waste a boner
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The air was thick with penises
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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