found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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