I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
