Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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