i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
