she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
