I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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