i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
