i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
